Carmel Frappe?!?!?!?!

Who have I become? Where am I going? I just finished a Carmel Frappe at Steamers in Cranberry. I am amazed at how many things have changed since the last time I posted. I am now married and moved into a completely new area. I am working at a new job, a year out of my surgery, and much less physically active as a result. I miss golf, baseball, running, working out intensely, hiking, roller-blading, and a lot of other things I used to do all the time. The sun is out and it reminds me of all the things i COULD have done prior to my herniated disc. Life changes so quickly and yet so slowly. What things matter and what things don't? How do you know when to turn the ship and when to just let the wind take it where it will? When do you order a Carmel Frappe to change things up a bit? Well for me it was when I filled my "get a free drink" card up with a bunch of inexpensive, and oh so delicious, cups of black coffee. So, things may not have changed as much as you thought, but perception is important as well. You may have perceived me as a new person who drinks "foo foo" drinks and is weaker but is that really true? Maybe I am stronger...strong enough to have a Carmel Frappe whenever I want. What you say may not matter as much to me any more. That is one of the changes that has definitely taken place. I am not as much of a pleaser as I used to be. I have definitely seen a change in that and here's proof for you. I drink decaf after 10:00 am now...

Ya...


I know...

Say whatever you want...


I like to sleep and I do what I want...It was a painful process whenever I accidentally kicked the caffeine habit. I started to have a couple of really busy weeks and before I knew it I was getting some massive headaches. By the time I realized why I was getting them I was going back and forth with my caffeine days and non-caffeine days. This was not a planned change but the pain of going back and forth was so bad that I decided to just eliminate the caffeine altogether for a while. Now I can have caffeine in the morning and it wears off by the time I go to bed but if I have it in the afternoon...I'm up all night (thank you Benedryl for your help in these moments of agony).

Well there you go. That is enough proof for you to know that I am less of a pleaser than I used to be. Maybe that is also due to being married. I will go into this more at a later time but there is a lot to be said for getting married and building your character. Well back to that Carmel Frappe...it is empty minus a couple of drips left on the bottom. That is similar to how I feel right now. How did the Frappe become that way? There was a repetitive action that drained it. An action that involved more sucking than pouring. That is how I got to where I am right now as well. The job I am in is sucking with not a whole lot of pouring yet. There is great potential with this job and the way I am going about it I knew that there would be a lot of sucking for the first year. I just need to see the pitcher on the horizon. I am drained because at the end of every month I have put in countless hours of work and there wasn't much pouring of financial help along the way. Where does this leave me?

How long will it last?

When do you turn the ship?

Am I doing all I can?

Am I listening to the Lord?

Is this just a growing moment?

Too much has been invested.

Do I work another job?

Questions...

Questions that suck...constantly.

Where are the answers?

Where are the answers that pour?



The Lord has the answers.



I need a refill...