Clanging Coins

5-13-06

Change. I hate change. I will always give exact coins to avoid the annoyance of having extra coins jingling in my pocket and the weight that is associated with them.

I feel that change is coming and it is “weighing me down.” I know that God is calling. I know that God has a plan for my life. I know that I am willing to go wherever He leads. God is whispering; am I listening hard enough, long enough?

When you go the store and have exact change then you have a sense of accomplishment, fulfillment, exclaiming: “yes, exact change!” This sensation is demonstrated when we fill our gas tanks. There have even been commercials that show the “perfect fill.” This happens when you are pumping full tilt and stop it right on “$20.00” or with gas prices today “$50.00”. This doesn’t always matter though we still are fulfilled on some level when it happens. We use credit cards most of the time now so I don’t know why we always go to the next dollar if we can…even if it means overflowing our tank.

This is shown in life when we want things to work out just right. We travel full tilt through life. We want to hit the mark. We want to be able to have smooth transition. Leave with people happy and walk into a place that is a “perfect fit.” Is this how God works?

What if everything is going well and you get a call. I am known to not answer the phone. I’ve found that cell phones are the acceptable interruption and it drives me crazy. I could be talking with someone about a deep wound or problem and if their phone rings...conversation paused. This sometimes irritates the people that are calling but I give priority to the people that I’m with. I care more about the person that I am face to face with than I am concerned with hurting someone’s feelings for not picking up my cell phone. I wonder if this thought process has transferred into me answering God’s call.

Shouldn’t we put everything on hold if God calls, pack up and move out. Shouldn’t we be in constant communication with Him anyhow? This would mean that His call is just reminding us that we aren’t talking enough with Him. If we were, would He really need to call? Did I miss the conversation sooner or is He calling for the first time about this? I want to be in His will, not mine. I want to be with Him, not alone. I want to be a man of purpose, His purpose. I want to love, live, learn, lie, and leave with Him. My Savior, my God, my Friend, my Father, my Lover. I am His. He Is. I’m not. I yearn for YOU. Guide, lead, walk, run, hold, protect, and teach…me.